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it would ring, and he'd be on the other end.  Wrong!  The phone never did ring.   With the hate I had in my heart, I was getting headaches over it.  In order for me to stop the headaches that I was having, I found out that had to forgave him in order to move on.   I use to think, how could someone have a child and not ever call them. I could never understand that. I would cry all the time for him to come around. It didn't make any sense to me.  But I myself ended up being a young teen mother having a child, and wow was I gullible.   First time out the house, I got caught up.  No one taught me a thing, it was the streets of hard knocks that I learned the hard way.  Sad, but it's true. Mom worked all day, all night and she was a single parent all alone.  She did the best she could.  I was in the 8th grade.  No one tapped me on the shoulder, and said: "This is what will happen if a boy try and do this to you".  Someone has to show you everything you do in order to know how to do it. There was no sex education in the school I had gone to, nor was there sex education in my  home.   That's a book within itself.


I Knew nothing about sex.  The relationship had nothing to do with having a child, when this young teenage boy ask me to have sex with him.  The four months of pressure he put on me is an experience I shall never forget.   This 16 year old teenager begging and pleading with me for 4 months.  13years of age going on 14. This was a young boy with hormones screaming all over the place. This story could be a movie.  "What is it that he knows that I don't know"?  It's in our nature to naturally have feelings of a man or woman. But  most young minds are only into lust, and puppy love.  The four months when I look back was only lust of my body he was looking for. 


The  older I get, the better I can see the world for what it is.   My mind has changed into a level of thinking and understanding that is hard to explain to those who are not thinking on a spiritual level, but only on a worldly level. I know some people who are walking around right now today, who has so much hate for their parents, it's unbelievable. They can't be in a room together for 5 minutes without arguing. And let us not talk about the talk shows, radio, and gurus who are out to try to help solve their problems. It's sad watching, but it's reality, has nothing to do with procreating, but recreational sex only.   And here I am with my poetry.  It would be selfish to keep this all to myself, what's in me, and I know that.   With a collective set of minds together, all we can do is our part in this thing called life.  


One day I was having a conversation with this dear friend of mine. I was driving her to the airport. Don't know how we got on this conversation of parenting, but we did. She said to me, "my mother never did anything for me".  The sound in her voice gave me chills.  I could tell she was angry. She said some other things I refuse to say.     I said: "she gave you life, you ever thought about that"? You'e over forty years old now, you gotta let that go,  Are you going to keep fighting with what happened in the past"?   Then I told her about my battle in the mind with my father, and my daughters father who I never saw again for years.  

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